A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says. “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday, and it’s today.”

The bartender says.

“Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. This one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says. “I would like to buy you a drink too.”

The old woman says.

“Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming up.” Says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says.

“I would like to buy you one too.”

The old woman says. “Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming right up.” The bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says. “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The old woman replies. …

. “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”

A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse

A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could stay there for the night.

“Well, we’re mighty crowded since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a tall blonde.”

The tourist puffed out his chest and replied, “That’s fine by me and in case you’re worried, I want you to know I’m a gentleman.”

“Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the tall blonde.”

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